Youth
1857
The third installment of Tolstoy's autobiographical trilogy captures a moment everyone knows but few can name: that desperate, luminous age when you're old enough to want everything and too young to understand anything. Our protagonist is nearly sixteen, teetering between the earnest ideals his education has instilled in him and the dizzying reality of actually living. With spring comes possibility, but also the painful awareness of his own inadequacy, his impossible ambitions to become someone noble. His mentor Dmitri sparks in him a hunger for virtue, yet Tolstoy resists easy redemption. Instead he charts the excruciating gap between the person one imagines being and the person one actually is. Harsh lessons await. Friendships shift. Nature overwhelms. Disappointment proves a constant companion. This is youth not as sentimental memory but as lived experience, with all its confusion, yearning, and quiet devastation. It endures because it names something true about growing up: the loneliness of feeling you've grasped life's meaning when you've only just begun to lose it.
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“O youth! The strenght of it, the faith of it, the imagination of it! (...) I think of her with pleasure, with affection, with regret - as you would think of some one dead you have loved. I shall never forget her.... Pass the bottle.””
— Leo Tolstoy
“I remember my youth and the feeling that will never come back any more”
— Leo Tolstoy
“You fight, work, sweat, nearly kill yourself, sometimes do kill yourself, trying to accomplish something”
— Leo Tolstoy
“Oh the glamour of youth! Oh the fire of it, more dazzling than the flames of the burning ship, throwing a magic light on the wide earth, leaping audaciously to the sky, presently to be quenched by time, more cruel, more pitiless, more bitter than the sea”
— Leo Tolstoy
“And after some talk we agreed that the wisdom of rats had been grossly overrated, being in fact no greater than that of men.””
— Leo Tolstoy
“[…] but I remember I preferred the soldier to the philosopher at the time; a preference which life has only confirmed. One was a man, and the other was either more – or less. However, they are both dead, and Mrs Beard is dead, and youth, strength, genius, thoughts, achievements, simple hearts – all dies… No matter.””
— Leo Tolstoy
“But for me all the East is contained in that vision of my youth. It is all in that moment when I opened my young eyes on it. I came upon it from a tussle with the sea”
— Leo Tolstoy
“Ustedes, todos ustedes, han obtenido algo de la vida: dinero, amor-cosas en tierra firme-, pero, ¿acaso el tiempo en que estuvimos embarcados no fue el mejor de nuestras vidas? Cuando éramos jóvenes en la mar; jóvenes sin nada, sobre la mar que nada regala, excepto buenos golpes y momentos para ponerte a prueba, sólo eso, ¿no sientes haberlo perdido?””
— Leo Tolstoy
“The sea was white like a sheet of foam, like a a caldron of boiling milk; there was not a break in the clouds, no”
— Leo Tolstoy
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Tolstoy, Leo. Youth. Lex, lex-books.com/book/youth-362f42e5-277b-4712-8560-304da859da5d.Tolstoy, L. (1857). Youth. Lex. https://lex-books.com/book/youth-362f42e5-277b-4712-8560-304da859da5dTolstoy, Leo. Youth. Lex. https://lex-books.com/book/youth-362f42e5-277b-4712-8560-304da859da5d.
























