El Arte De Amar

Ovid wrote this cheeky manual in verse around 1 AD, and it got him exiled. That's either a warning or an endorsement. For two millennia, this satirical guide to love and seduction has sparked outrage and fascination in equal measure. Written by the master poet behind Metamorphoses, it's a sly, irreverent take on the dating game, masquerading as earnest advice while quietly mocking the whole performance of romance. Michie's translation captures Ovid's playful wit and sharp eye for the absurd theater of desire, making this ancient text feel startlingly contemporary. The poem maps out love as a strategic pursuit: where to hunt for partners, how to pursue them, and what happens once you've won. But beneath the practical tips lies something richer: a sharp commentary on Roman society, gender dynamics, and the eternal human comedy of longing. This is for anyone curious about where our modern ideas about dating, attraction, and the pursuit of love really come from. It's a historical artifact, sure, but also a wickedly funny poem about the oldest game on earth.
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“Only she is chaste whom none has invited””
— Ovid
“اسرع الي خلع خفيها عن قدميها الرقيقتين ان كانت لابستهما أو البسهما قدميها ان كانتا مجردتين منهما, و ان شكت برداً فدفئ كفيها في صدرك, و لو ارتجفت برداً. ولا تحسبها ذلة ان تمسك مرآتها بيدك, يا من ولدت حراً لا قناً(هي ذلة حقاً لكن ما اسرع ان تستعذبها)””
— Ovid
“Let your mistress’s birthday be one of great terror to you:that’s a black day when anything has to be given.However much you avoid it, she’ll still win: it’sa woman’s skill, to strip wealth from an ardent lover.A loose-robed pedlar comes to your lady: she likes to buy:and explains his prices while you’re sitting there.She’ll ask you to look, because you know what to look for:then kiss you: then ask you to buy her something there.She swears that she’ll be happy with it, for years,but she needs it now, now the price is right.If you say you haven’t the money in the house, she’ll askfor a note of hand – and you’re sorry you learnt to write.Why - she asks doesn’t she for money as if it’s her birthday,just for the cake, and how often it is her birthday, if she’s in need?Why - she weeps doesn’t she, mournfully, for a sham loss,that imaginary gem that fell from her pierced ear?They many times ask for gifts, they never give in return:you lose, and you’ll get no thanks for your loss.And ten mouths with as many tongues wouldn’t be enoughfor me to describe the wicked tricks of whores.””
— Ovid
“And when wine has soaked Cupid’s drunken wings,he’s stayed, weighed down, a captive of the place....Wine rouses courage and is fit for passion:care flies, and deep drinking dilutes it....Don’t trust the treacherous lamplight overmuch:night and wine can harm your view of beauty.Paris saw the goddesses in the light, a cloudless heaven,when he said to Venus: ‘Venus, you win, over them both.’Faults are hidden at night: every blemish is forgiven,and the hour makes whichever girl you like beautiful.Judge jewellery, and fabric stained with purple,judge a face, or a figure, in the light.””
— Ovid
“Agamemnon escaped with his life From land battles and sea storms, then fell to his wife.””
— Ovid
“Ars est celaree artem.””
— Ovid
“Ten en cuenta que si regalas algo a tu amante antes de haberla poseído, es muy fácil que te quedes sin regalo y sin amante.””
— Ovid
“Dunque suvvia, non confidare nell'aspetto che inganna; chiunque tu sia, stima qualcosa di superiore al corpo.””
— Ovid
“Should anyone here in Rome lack finesse at love-making,Let himTry me - read my book, and the results are guaranteed!Technique is the secret. Charioteer, sailor, oarsman,All need it.Technique can controlLove himself.””
— Ovid
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