Seven Keys to Baldpate

“With nothing to look forward to but the next meal, the human animal attaches a preposterous importance to his feeding.””

— Earl Derr Biggers

“I was deluged with telegrams, editorials, letters, denouncing me. Firm-faced females lay in wait for me and waved umbrellas in my eyes. Even my wife turned from me, saying that while she did not ask me to hold her views on the question of suffrage, she thought I might at least refrain from publicly commending a type of woman found chiefly in musical comedy choruses. I received a note from the president of the university, asking me to be more circumspect in my remarks. Me–Thadeus Bolton–the most conservative man on earth by instinct! “And still the denunciations of me poured in; still women’s clubs held meetings resolving against me; still a steady stream of reporters flowed through my life, urging me to state my views further, to name the ten greatest blondes in history, to–heaven knows what. Yesterday I resolved I Could stand it no longer. I determined to go away until the whole thing was forgotten.””

— Earl Derr Biggers