Perverted Proverbs: A Manual of Immorals for the Many

“It is Never Too Late to Mend."Since it can never be too lateTo change your life, or else renew it, Let the unpleasant process waitUntil you are compelled to do it.The State provides (and gratis too) Establishments for such as you.Remember this, and pluck up heart, That, be you publican or parson,Your ev'ry art must have a start,From petty larceny to arson;And even in the burglar's trade,The cracksman is not born, but made.So, if in your career of crime,You fail to carry out some "coup",Then try again a second time,And yet again, until you do;And don't despair, or fear the worst, Because you get found out at first.Perhaps the battle will not go,On all occasions, to the strongest;You may be fairly certain tho'That He Laughs Last who laughs the Longest.So keep a good reserve of laughter,Which may be found of use hereafter.Believe me that, howe'er well meant,A Good Resolve is always brief;Don't let your precious hours be spentIn turning over a new leaf.Such leaves, like Nature's, soon decay,And then are only in the way.The Road to”

— Harry Graham