“He finished the bandage and was examining it critically."You know those things are unreliable." His voice held just a touch of reproach.“Eleven out of twelve work fine. I’d say that’s better chances than getting an orgasm with a blind date and women still try.””
“What’s this ”“A needle.”“What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy. “Please use it to pop your head. It’s obscuring my view of the room.””
“Andrea turned her back to Desandra and rolled her eyes. Raphael grimaced. They both looked scandalized. Dear God, what could she have said to scandalize a bouda...“No, really!” Desandra nodded. “Okay, so most guys don’t have a nice ball sack, right? It looks all hairy and wrinkled like some small animal died between their legs, but Gerardo’s is like two plums in a velvet bag...”Derek, who’d been lingering in the doorway, took a careful step to the left behind the wall and disappeared from my view. I raised my hand. “Hold that thought. I need to borrow Andrea for a minute.”I grabbed her arm and pulled her into the hallway. Behind us Raphael growled, “Don’t leave me!”Andrea leaned towards me. “Plums.”“Listen...”Andrea raised her hands, imitating holding plums the size of small coconuts, and moved them up and down.””
“Cerise ran through the course in her mind. “Three miles, stream on the right, Mozer Lake, Tinybear, Bigbear, Miller’s Path.” She paused, not sure if she’d said it correctly. “Three miles, stream on the right, Mozer Lake, Tinybear, Bigbear, Miller’s Path.”“Thank you, Dora. Put the sword back into Backpack and we’ll go.” He nodded at the river.“Who is Dora?”“You are. Dora the Explorer. Vamanos. Put the sword away or I will take it from you.””
“Still think she is worth it?” Mahon asked quietly.“Of course. She is my mate.”Mahon sighed. “So you decided then.”“Do you think we’d be laying here bleeding in the snow if I wasn’t sure?”“Good point.””
“Besides, if I’d decided to pull Carver’s spine out of his body, I would’ve done it already.” “Can you actually do that?” Curran frowned. “I don’t know. I mean theoretically if you broke the spine above the pelvis, you could, but then there are ribs . . . I’ll have to try it sometime.””
“Doode," George said.He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more , less . Duuude.""Dude.""Dude.""Okay, dude." George nodded. "How's it hanging?" Jack asked. "How am I supposed to answer that?" George looked at him. "I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway?"George shook his head. "Your stuff, you nimwit."His stuff... "In that case, it's hanging long!" Jack dissolved in giggles. "Long, get it?””
“I will kill him.”“Erra’s eyebrows rose. “You’d have to go through me first.”I shrugged. “I have to do something for a warm-up.”She laughed softly. “That’s the spirit. I do think you might be my favorite niece.””
“Yes,” Curran said. “We’d like you to officiate.”“I’m sorry?”“We’d like you to marry us,” I said.Roman’s eyes went wide. He pointed to himself. “Me?”“Yes,” Curran said.“Marry you?”“Yes.”“You do know what I do, right?”“Yes,” I said. “You’re Chernobog’s priest.””
“I should’ve been furious, but for some reason I wasn’t. Maybe because I knew he was telling the truth. Maybe because Voron left me just like that, without the much-needed explanations. Maybe because things I had learned about him since his death had made me doubt everything he’d ever said to me. Whatever the case, I felt only a hollow, crushing sadness. How touching. I understood my adoptive father’s killer. Maybe after this was over, Hugh’s head and I could sing “Kumbaya” together by the fire.””
“His beard was nonexistent, except for a carefully trimmed goatee that met his mustache on both sides of his mouth. The overall effect was decidedly villainous. He needed a black horse and a barbarian horde to lead. That or a crew of cutthroats, a ship with blood-red sails, and some knucklehead heroine to lust after. “Look, I’ve had a bad day. How about you just walk away from my Jeep?”The volhv smiled wider, flashing even white teeth.If he started stroking his beard, I’d have to kill him on principle.“He raised his hand to his goatee.That does it. “Yeah. And what’s with the beard and the horse mane? You look like Rent-a-Villain.””
“What’s Julie’s number?” Curran glanced at me. “Julie’s fluctuating between thirty-two and thirty-four units. Her shift coefficient is six point five and she’s been at it for sixteen hours.” Dear God, I’d need a damn calculator.””
“You’re a survivor. Voron put you on the edge of that cliff again and again until he conditioned you to claw onto life. You’ll do whatever you have to do to survive, and I’m your only chance of getting out. At first you’ll balk, but with every passing hour my offer will look better and better. You’ll convince yourself that dying will accomplish nothing and you should at least go out with a bang. You’ll tell yourself that you’re accepting my offer just so you can stick that broken sword into my chest and feel it cut through my heart. Even if you die afterward, the fact that I’ll stop breathing makes your death mean something. So you’ll call me. And you’ll try to kill me. Except you’ve gone three days without food, and that body . . .” He tilted his head and looked me over slowly. “That body burns through calories like fire goes through gasoline. You’re running out of reserves. I can put you down with one hit.” “You’re right about the sword. You broke mine. I owe you one.”He tapped his naked chest over his heart. “This is the spot. Give it a shot, Kate. Let’s see what happens.””
“I took the jacket off, changed my T-shirt for a dark gray tank top, slipped on the tangle of the back sheath, and put the jacket on again. Thugs are us. Great. Just add a super-tight ponytail and loads of mascara, and I’d be ripe to play a supervillain’s evil mistress. Ve haf vays of making you gif us your DNA sample.””
“Saiman reached into the trunk and pulled out a pink tulle tutu. “No.” “Yes.” “It won’t fit.” “Elastic waistband,” Saiman said. “It will fit.” Curran’s grin was pure evil. “Don’t you dare,” I told him. “It’s too bad the magic is up,” he said. “I’d take pictures.” “Shut up.” “Have no fear, Alpha,” Ascanio said. “We’ll tell no one.” Kill me, somebody.Saiman held out the tulle skirt to me. “Maybe it will work without it.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” “If I put this on, it will be ridiculous.” Saiman waved the pink tutu in front of me. Fine. I snatched it out of his hands and pulled it on over my hips.Ascanio collapsed into a moaning heap of laughter. “Now what?” “Move around onstage. It would help if you danced.” Curran was dying. That was the only rational explanation for the noises coming from his direction.””