M. I. Mayfield

“God loves everybody, exactly the same. No matter what you do. If you grew up like me, then you are waiting for the asterisk to that sentence. Sure, God loves everybody the same. *But he really likes it when you go to Africa. Or start a food kitchen. Or adopt through foster care. Or buy cool, overpriced shoes that may or may not give an orphan in some nameless country a complimentary pair. Or turn your TV into a garden for succulents. Or whatever it is that we believe we must do in order to be fully loved. God took away my asterisk, and now I don’t know how to classify myself anymore. I’m just a sheep of his hand, and it is more lowly and lovely than I could have ever imagined.””

“My mother told me once years ago that she couldn’t produce enough breast milk for me, possibly because she was over 40, and probably because she smoked.  One of the nurses in the hospital told her that she was starving her daughter.  I’m sure that didn’t make her feel any better! I imagined that wee child, that most vulnerable part of myself, just wanting to fill herself up so she could grow, but not getting enough to feed her hunger.  Not surprisingly, this is how I’ve felt in general for most of my life:  my soul is always hungry. Oh, my fists were balled up as I expressed that horrible frustration that had been locked in my body and brain for 50 years! I lay on my back and kicked my feet, scrunched up my face, howled silently….And, oh, did it feel good to let it go! It took a total of not much more than ten minutes to let it all go, and my sense of relief afterwards was palpable as I went back to what I’d been doing with a renewed sense of vigor and hope.””

“When “I don’t want to” shows up, it reminds me that I need to nourish myself – that I need to open myself to the good things in life, to have fun and express my creative spirit. It’s a clue to what I’m missing, and when I let go of the struggle, I can allow myself the freedom to enjoy. Willingness is not easy, but it’s a spiritual practice that has put me much more deeply in touch with myself and with the workings of the Universe.  And my life has not only gotten easier, but enlightenment flows in effortlessly. It has opened a new door into my mind, into my soul.””