Fear and Other Uninvited Guests2004

Bestselling author Harriet Lerner is at her provocative best in this examination of fear as the key motivating force in our lives. Often unrecognized, fear and shame drive our choices and attitudes in ways that most of us never figure out. However, as Lerner explains, fear is an emotion to be recognized, explored, decoded and embraced. Once we befriend fear, it can actually help us achieve calm, clarity and fundamental peace. Using her wonderfully rich and inviting therapeutic voice along with personal memories and examples drawn from her practice, Lerner gives fear its due. We needn’t let anxiety, fear, and shame silence our authentic voice, close our hearts to the different voices of others, or stop us from acting with dignity, integrity and brio. We need to harness fear and put it in service to our best selves.Unhappiness, says bestselling author Harriet Lerner, is fueled by three key emotions: anxiety, fear, and shame. They are the uninvited guests in our lives. When tragedy or hardship hits, they may become our constant companions.Anxiety can wash over us like a tidal wave or operate as a silent thrum under the surface of our daily lives. With stories that are sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking, Lerner takes us from "fear lite" to the most difficult lessons the universe sends us. We learn-How a man was "cured in a day" of the fear of rejection -- and what we can learn from his storyHow the author overcame her dread of public speaking when her worst fears were realizedHow to deal with the fear of not being good enough, and with the shame of feeling essentially flawed and inadequateHow to stay calm and clear in an anxious, crazy workplaceHow to manage fear and despair when life sends a crash course in illness, vulnerability, and lossHow "positive thinking" helps -- and harmsHow to be our best and bravest selves, even when we are terrified and have internalized the shaming messages of othersNo one signs up for anxiety, fear, and shame, but we can’t avoid them either. As we learn to respond to these three key emotions in new ways, we can live more fully in the present and move into the future with courage, clarity, humor, and hope.The Dance of Fear shows us how.